we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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