Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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