I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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