babies were throwing up all over the place
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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