the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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