So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
