She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
