I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
