Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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