I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
