masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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