I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
