i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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