so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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