I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
