Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
