Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
