he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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