so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
