i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
