sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
