sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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