We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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