A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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