We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
