youre lurking in front of me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just high enough for therapy.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
