remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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