So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i drank out of a bidet.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
