I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
