just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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