We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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