why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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