standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
