Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize