Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
