So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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