And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
