Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
