I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
