I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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