i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
