I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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