one two three fourrrrnication!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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