I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize