While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
