Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
