So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
