Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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