she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
