Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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