I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
