remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
