dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
