we made out on top of his cat.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
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I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
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Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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