He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Mom said you looked used
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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