Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
