Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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