This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
